And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
when you feel your clothes fresh out of the oven
OKAY SO I REALIZED I USED OVEN INSTEAD OF DISHWASHER BUT I KINDA FORGOT WHAT IT WAS CALLED AND USED THE NEXT BEST GUESS I COULD THINK OF
It’s called a washing machine
i think its a dryer like who would be feeling wet ass clothes
this post is a fucking train wreck
I feel a lot better about that typo I made earlier.
after i got my wisdom teeth out my mouth was stuffed full of gauze and i basically passed out for hours except we were on the way to my grandfather’s house and we had to drive down the highway of tears and when we arrived my mom called because the police had phoned our house to say that a constructor had reported a man driving an suv with our license plate with a “pale, bloated, lifeless body in the front seat”
i got mistaken for a dead body
they thought my dad was a murderer